Voted least likely to be named next Bachelor.
I thought for sure this website would crater into oblivion with the long list of sites my brother and I have built and left for dead over the years. But this one is here, standing ever so gingerly on its one good leg.
Who knows how long it will last, but I’m back for at least this post, that’s for sure. Mostly to inform you that I’m shocked this website is still up and about the same amount of surprised that The Bachelor is still a thing.
When we last left you Sean Lowe was The Bachelor and we ran out of interesting observations to throw up all over the inter webs. Then came some more Bachelors and Bachelorettes and truth be told, we just stopped watching when that sleazy Juan Pablo got his own show. Cuz, geez.
We did start up again in this past season’s Bachelors in Paradise, though, and really, there was an insane amount of material to work with. Color me lazy, but I just didn’t put my feelings into type.
And instead of re-hashing that entire show while its no longer relevant in any way, I’ll leave you with this: Kirk Dewindt was a total dick. He knows it, you know it, Carly sure as hell knows it.
But I don’t even mean to be “calling him out” necessarily. What he did is what tons of guys do. He liked the girl, he got comfortable, and then PLANS happened. I don’t doubt for a second that Kirk genuinely, 100% was into Carly. I would bet he was even right there with Carly when she started talking about kids and shit.
But reality can be a real summa bitch. Kirk had an awakening near the end of the show that this was for realzies and he couldn’t take it. I don’t think he suddenly didn’t like/love Carly, but I don’t think he was prepared for anything long-term, either.
Few of these people are. That’s why there needs to be some actual restrictions or guidelines on these Bachelor Pad type shows. All of these people are taking a damn vacation where they can soak up the sun, bang random hot people and drink and eat whatever they want, whenever they want.
Where the hell in that equation does LOVE factor in? There is hardly any room for it at all. You show up to an island with beautiful people, food and great weather (although it actually looked hot as balls there the entire time) and you’re supposed to SETTLE DOWN?
I think not. The show is a farce and the people all have something else on the side before they even agree to the damn thing.
That being said, one relationship stood the test of the show – it seems – and it was nice to see Jade and Tanner couple up for good. He proposed, she said yes and all the sweat dripping off of his body told us two things – for real, it was hot as hell there, and dude meant that shit.
In summary, Kirk is probably just a normal dude who really liked a girl and then got scared and it just happened to get CAUGHT ON FUCKING NATIONAL TELEVISION. Also, he MAY have been freaked out by her weird “rose is just a rose” song. Yeah.
So much more can be said about Kirk, Joe, Mikey, every Ashley and so many other people, but that’s all in the past. The future is bright, chock full of horrid people on sex-filled islands or trying to win someone’s heart on a different type of show. And we MIGHT be around to enjoy it with you.